I went back to work yesterday--apprehensive, a little overwhelmed--but I went. It turned out to be a good day: of course, some people had no idea (of my surgery) so to them I looked really tanned. But those who knew said I looked 50-60# lighter! Cate, my NP put it best: before it was the girls and then me that came into the room, now it's just me! When I look at my before pictures, I am shocked. I knew I was big, but I look HUGE! No wonder no one saw me! It really solidifies for me my need to focus and to lose. It also emphasizes why the surgery was so necessary. I don't have regrets but I wish that I'd taken this step sooner. Chances are, I wouldn't have been as ready, as healthy.
So now, it is time to embrace this new me! I am really starting to see changes and I LOVE all of them! I love my "sassy" new hair style and how my face doesn't look so round. I love how tall I feel because I am standing so confidently. I love how my clothes feel--not tight and not all black! I love how my skin looks--I actually went to a school event without foundation! I love how my waist and thighs are getting smaller because of all the walking I am doing (love that boardwalk in Goderich). I love that I can walk 3k and not be out of breath! I love that I can fit into tops like everyone else instead of having to buy over-sized tops to accommodate the girls. I love how they look now--almost completely healed just 3 weeks after surgery--perky and in proportion to the rest of the new me! I love that when I got on the (Wii Fit) scale this morning, I was below 250! I love how beautiful and confident I feel. I am SO PROUD of myself and although I still have a long way to go, I know that I can AND that I will!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
biting my lip...
I was flipping through the usual mix of websites I read each day and stopped cold when I read that Ted Kennedy had died. He was the last of the Kennedy brothers and although I didn't know him personally, I felt sad. He was an honest, caring politician...the comments from leaders from across the world clearly states that, but I think I was most sad because I admired the way he lived his life: with purpose...so my goal is to do the same. Thank you Senator Kennedy and God bless you.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Change
We delight in the beauty of the butterfly,
but rarely admit the changes it has gone through
to achieve that beauty.
~Maya Angelou
but rarely admit the changes it has gone through
to achieve that beauty.
~Maya Angelou
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
It's all about attitude...
I've come to the realization that successful weight loss is not the result of changes in diet or levels of exercise alone. Rather, it is really all about attitude!
Over the years, I have participated in countless diet and exercise programs and with each, I had some level of success, but there was always something that seemed to stand between me and the goal I had set for myself. I've be thinking a lot about the various "plans" I have tried...
In high school, it was Weight Watchers with Mum. We would carefully weigh and measure each morsel of food and religiously attend the meetings in the local church hall. But for all our efforts, I never remember either of us losing very much. Mum would cook lots of stir fry (in about an inch of vegetable oil) or we'd have salad (Caesar was her favorite!) and every Sunday we would "treat" ourselves, which meant we would either go out to a buffet style brunch or she would make a traditional Sunday breakfast at home: bacon, eggs poached in butter, fried potatoes, stacks of toast or english muffins, and fried tomatoes (cooked in bacon fat). Then she would usually invite the family for Sunday dinner: roast beef or pork, potatoes, veggies and of course, dessert. So all the work we did all week was undone in a single day, week after week.
After she died, I joined Good Life, one of Canada's largest fitness centers. I would work hard on a variety of fancy machines surrounded by the fashionably toned and felt less motivated with every visit. I was ready to quit when I met Kendra. Kendra was a personal trainer and I was impressed with her energy and enthusiasm. She was promoting a new program called fat loss, a 12-week diet and exercise program designed to help trim fat while teaching the participant how to eat smaller portions. You also worked out with a personal trainer several times a week. It was grueling but I stayed committed, even though it required me to drive across the city for my sessions, and left me virtually unable to walk back to my car! Kendra really made me move. She challenged me in ways that I never had been previously and I LOST weight. The problem was that after 12 weeks I was just getting the rhythm of the program and I couldn't afford to do it again.
Some time later, I joined Truestar for Women, a program that combined circuit training, diet and vitamin supplements. It also was successful for a time, but security was lacking (especially in the locker room/shower area) and I ONLY lost weight when I took handfuls of mysterious pills that varied in shape and size and came in neat little packages already organized for you. The advisers were not trained in the health care profession at all. Instead, they used a computer formula to determine which bottles to sell you and before I knew it, I was taking 45 or so magic beans. When my expressed concerns for personal safety were ignored, I asked for my money back. Soon after, the company seemed to mysteriously disappear. Perhaps back to never, never land!
When I left Truestar, I joined The Athletic Club which was right on my way home from work and open 24 hours a day! I liked it there...there were TONS of cool machines and the staff were helpful if you had a question. But when I was downsized, I could no longer afford my membership so I quit. Sadly, in addition to losing my confidence in finding a job, I found myself gaining weight again...it was a vicious cycle.
So what is different this time? What has changed? I have. I no longer look to elaborate programs or magic potions, hoping that I'll find success. Instead, I eat small, balanced meals 5 times a day and I try to move for at least 30 minutes. Some days that means eating Jenny Craig (to limit my calorie intake while I can't workout); other days, means small meals that I have prepared ahead. It means PLANNING so that I can make wise choices. It requires me to re-evaluate my priorities and organize my schedule so that workouts are a daily activity. I CAN DO THIS and I AM WORTH EVERY EFFORT.
Over the years, I have participated in countless diet and exercise programs and with each, I had some level of success, but there was always something that seemed to stand between me and the goal I had set for myself. I've be thinking a lot about the various "plans" I have tried...
In high school, it was Weight Watchers with Mum. We would carefully weigh and measure each morsel of food and religiously attend the meetings in the local church hall. But for all our efforts, I never remember either of us losing very much. Mum would cook lots of stir fry (in about an inch of vegetable oil) or we'd have salad (Caesar was her favorite!) and every Sunday we would "treat" ourselves, which meant we would either go out to a buffet style brunch or she would make a traditional Sunday breakfast at home: bacon, eggs poached in butter, fried potatoes, stacks of toast or english muffins, and fried tomatoes (cooked in bacon fat). Then she would usually invite the family for Sunday dinner: roast beef or pork, potatoes, veggies and of course, dessert. So all the work we did all week was undone in a single day, week after week.
After she died, I joined Good Life, one of Canada's largest fitness centers. I would work hard on a variety of fancy machines surrounded by the fashionably toned and felt less motivated with every visit. I was ready to quit when I met Kendra. Kendra was a personal trainer and I was impressed with her energy and enthusiasm. She was promoting a new program called fat loss, a 12-week diet and exercise program designed to help trim fat while teaching the participant how to eat smaller portions. You also worked out with a personal trainer several times a week. It was grueling but I stayed committed, even though it required me to drive across the city for my sessions, and left me virtually unable to walk back to my car! Kendra really made me move. She challenged me in ways that I never had been previously and I LOST weight. The problem was that after 12 weeks I was just getting the rhythm of the program and I couldn't afford to do it again.
Some time later, I joined Truestar for Women, a program that combined circuit training, diet and vitamin supplements. It also was successful for a time, but security was lacking (especially in the locker room/shower area) and I ONLY lost weight when I took handfuls of mysterious pills that varied in shape and size and came in neat little packages already organized for you. The advisers were not trained in the health care profession at all. Instead, they used a computer formula to determine which bottles to sell you and before I knew it, I was taking 45 or so magic beans. When my expressed concerns for personal safety were ignored, I asked for my money back. Soon after, the company seemed to mysteriously disappear. Perhaps back to never, never land!
When I left Truestar, I joined The Athletic Club which was right on my way home from work and open 24 hours a day! I liked it there...there were TONS of cool machines and the staff were helpful if you had a question. But when I was downsized, I could no longer afford my membership so I quit. Sadly, in addition to losing my confidence in finding a job, I found myself gaining weight again...it was a vicious cycle.
So what is different this time? What has changed? I have. I no longer look to elaborate programs or magic potions, hoping that I'll find success. Instead, I eat small, balanced meals 5 times a day and I try to move for at least 30 minutes. Some days that means eating Jenny Craig (to limit my calorie intake while I can't workout); other days, means small meals that I have prepared ahead. It means PLANNING so that I can make wise choices. It requires me to re-evaluate my priorities and organize my schedule so that workouts are a daily activity. I CAN DO THIS and I AM WORTH EVERY EFFORT.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The story that leads me here...
It was June, 2008. I can still recall the conversation that ultimately began my transformation... We were all sitting around the dinner table and the story of a family event was being retold for my benefit. There were pictures as well as the exaggerated description of the participants--each more outrageous than the last--until someone blurted out, "...and this one woman was HUGE!!! She must have weighed like 300 pounds!" My heart stopped. Just that morning, I had tipped the scale at 295--my heaviest recorded weight. I drove home in tears, wondering what they thought of me and worried that I too was a topic of conversation. I joined the local Y the next day, vowing to lose the weight once and for all. But the summer past, and for all my efforts, nothing had changed.
The next 4 months were challenging. My LTO position was now a 1 year contract. I had a new principal to impress and I needed to establish myself. I came home at night exhausted and uninspired. Until I met Cate. I knew that I was not going back to London and I needed some local connections, including a health care professional. Cate ran a women's clinic in Seaforth and I soon found myself signing up to have this nurse practitioner as my primary health care provider. A physical (my first in many years) revealed high blood sugar (aka pre-diabetic) and high blood pressure. Cate and I spoke briefly about lifestyle changes (i.e. diet and exercise) and to my delight, I discovered that, among other things, I had access to a nutritionist. It was Christmas so we agreed that Rebecca and I would meet in the new year. I went home feeling hopeful.
On New Year's Eve, I started a journal and outlined my goals for 2009: to focus on my health and personal wellness and work at being my personal best; to eat healthy and workout, spend time in personal reflection, and emphasize all the positives in my life.
This has been a HUGE paradigm shift for me! I have moved from worrying about others and what they think of me (which is none of my business) to making myself my first priority. I exercise every day for at least 30 minutes (beginning with the Wii Fit and gradually adding other program elements). I don't diet. Diets have a beginning and an end. Instead I follow an eating plan that I will maintain and adjust throughout life. I know there are some things I just shouldn't eat. (like bacon!) I watch how many calories I consume and I THINK before I eat. Whenever possible, I plan ahead so I can make the best choices possible, but I also remind myself that one slip up doesn't mean I have to abandon my efforts. I am not perfect, but with Rebecca's help, I lost 35# in 6 months!
At the end of February, I got a call that changed my life further. After being on a waiting list since June 2006, I was finally able to have breast reduction surgery. I opted for a summer surgery so I didn't have to miss any time at work and on August 7th, my surgery happened!
Which brings me to today...Just 8 days after my life changing operation, I am home and celebrating "the new me". I am 45# lighter and SO excited to show everyone my new body. I am eager to begin working out again so I can tone and tighten my abs but I must wait until I heal (4-6 weeks). To help me through this time of challenge, I have rejoined Jenny Craig to keep myself accountable to someone and to monitor my calorie count. I will continue walking (once the sudden humidity breaks) and I will continue blogging my achievements. I look forward to experiencing face-to-face conversations and finally feeling like I fit into all my clothes...This is just the beginning...and I am excited to see where this journey will take me next!
The next 4 months were challenging. My LTO position was now a 1 year contract. I had a new principal to impress and I needed to establish myself. I came home at night exhausted and uninspired. Until I met Cate. I knew that I was not going back to London and I needed some local connections, including a health care professional. Cate ran a women's clinic in Seaforth and I soon found myself signing up to have this nurse practitioner as my primary health care provider. A physical (my first in many years) revealed high blood sugar (aka pre-diabetic) and high blood pressure. Cate and I spoke briefly about lifestyle changes (i.e. diet and exercise) and to my delight, I discovered that, among other things, I had access to a nutritionist. It was Christmas so we agreed that Rebecca and I would meet in the new year. I went home feeling hopeful.
On New Year's Eve, I started a journal and outlined my goals for 2009: to focus on my health and personal wellness and work at being my personal best; to eat healthy and workout, spend time in personal reflection, and emphasize all the positives in my life.
This has been a HUGE paradigm shift for me! I have moved from worrying about others and what they think of me (which is none of my business) to making myself my first priority. I exercise every day for at least 30 minutes (beginning with the Wii Fit and gradually adding other program elements). I don't diet. Diets have a beginning and an end. Instead I follow an eating plan that I will maintain and adjust throughout life. I know there are some things I just shouldn't eat. (like bacon!) I watch how many calories I consume and I THINK before I eat. Whenever possible, I plan ahead so I can make the best choices possible, but I also remind myself that one slip up doesn't mean I have to abandon my efforts. I am not perfect, but with Rebecca's help, I lost 35# in 6 months!
At the end of February, I got a call that changed my life further. After being on a waiting list since June 2006, I was finally able to have breast reduction surgery. I opted for a summer surgery so I didn't have to miss any time at work and on August 7th, my surgery happened!
Which brings me to today...Just 8 days after my life changing operation, I am home and celebrating "the new me". I am 45# lighter and SO excited to show everyone my new body. I am eager to begin working out again so I can tone and tighten my abs but I must wait until I heal (4-6 weeks). To help me through this time of challenge, I have rejoined Jenny Craig to keep myself accountable to someone and to monitor my calorie count. I will continue walking (once the sudden humidity breaks) and I will continue blogging my achievements. I look forward to experiencing face-to-face conversations and finally feeling like I fit into all my clothes...This is just the beginning...and I am excited to see where this journey will take me next!
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